Why can it be so hard to get out of our own way?

Thankfully, not my actual closet!

I have wanted to clear out my closet for weeks. The amount of clothes in there is staggering, making it difficult to get things in or out—or even see what I have. Each time I look for a shirt, I hear myself saying, “I don’t need this many shirts!” And yet, what do I do? I grab the shirt for the day and close the door.

How many of us have that one or two drawers, closets, or tasks we put off over and over again?

We know it needs to be done. A small part of us may even want to do it, if only for the feeling of accomplishment that comes when it’s finished. And still, we avoid it.

As I’ve explored my own feelings around my closet—and other things I procrastinate on—I’ve started to notice something important: the task itself isn’t the only thing taking up space. Avoidance takes up space too.

Every time I open the closet and close it again, a small amount of energy is spent. A quiet note of irritation, guilt, or self-judgment gets added to the background noise of my day. Over time, that mental and emotional clutter can feel heavier than the task ever would have been. Avoidance doesn’t freeze a task in time—it quietly charges interest.

Reflecting on why I get in my own way has led me to a few clear conclusions:

• I feel overwhelmed

• I feel too much pressure around performance and/or perfectionism

  
  

In the case of my closet, overwhelm is exactly what’s happening. There are so many decisions to make—not only because of the number of shirts and their potential uses, but also because of what to do with them once I decide to let them go. Donate? Toss? Store? Each decision feels like it opens the door to three more.

But I’ve also realized something else: what we often call procrastination isn’t laziness or lack of motivation. More often, it’s protection.

When a task carries emotional weight—memories, money spent, past versions of ourselves, or fear of making the “wrong” choice—our nervous system may step in and say, Not now. That resistance isn’t a character flaw; it’s information. It’s a signal that something about the task feels unsafe, uncertain, or too demanding in this moment.

Experts suggest several strategies to help manage feelings of overwhelm and reduce procrastination:

• Break large tasks into smaller, manageable steps

• Focus on the outcome and the “future me” feeling of success

• Ask for help with the task or invite company while completing it

• Take breaks as needed or set a timer for “just 15 minutes”

• Challenge the stories you’re telling yourself and practice reframing them

• Build in a meaningful reward

For me, the smallest step began with just looking at my dresses, then my pants, and now I’m left with my shirts. Each category helped me move on to the next—and still, right now, I’m stuck. Oh, so many shirts. I also know how much better I will feel when there is more space in my closet and fewer choices to make every morning. So, in full disclosure, I may need to phone a friend to help with this last section.

My closet is just one example. You may have others too: unanswered emails, postponed medical appointments, unfinished creative projects, or conversations you keep rehearsing but never have. The details change, but the pattern is familiar: I know what to do, so why can’t I do it?

When we stop treating that question as an accusation and start treating it with curiosity, real movement becomes possible.

Coaching can be especially helpful in moments like this. By working with a coach, you can begin to identify the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that show up when you think about the tasks you’re avoiding. A coach can help you break large goals into smaller steps and define the smallest first action you can take toward success.

Often, once you begin, the energy spent resisting the task dissolves. What remains is momentum—and the realization that the thing you’ve been avoiding for weeks takes far less time than you imagined.

Asking for help can be hard, whether from a friend or a professional. If you’re interested in starting a conversation about the tasks you’re avoiding and how working together could help you shift old stories into completed actions, I invite you to reach out.

Reflection question:What is one small task you’ve been avoiding—not because you don’t care, but because it feels overwhelming—and what would it look like to approach it with curiosity instead of pressure?